Intimacy is much bigger than simply physical touch. We want to be emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and yes also physically intimate with our spouse. With so much going on in our daily lives, how can we strengthen intimacy with our beloved? How do we have a deep and meaningful relationship with the chaos of toddlers, starting a new business, frequent work travel, family drama, or other highly stressful seasons of life?
It is possible.
Start by setting aside 15 minutes a day with your spouse. During that 15 minutes, look each other in the eyes, hold hands, and have a dating conversation.
What is a dating conversation?
These conversations focus on getting to know and enjor your spouse. This is not the time to update on the family schedule, vent about work, or figure out how to discipline your teenager. There will always be more and more family logistics that try to creep in. This is a time to ask a few questions, listen well, and answer a few yourself.
Really? Just 15 minutes?
Well, if your entire relationship never gets beyond 15 minutes a day, you won’t find yourselves very satisfied. But during the busiest seasons of life, many couples struggle even to find these 15 minutes! Because remember, there are boundaries on this dating conversation: no logistics, planning, or venting. The busy seasons don’t last forever, but they can drain the intimacy out of our marriages quickly. Finding 15 minutes a day is an investment in your 15-year anniversary down the road.
What does this even sound like?
It sounds like questions, active listening, and thoughtful responding.
Questions may include:
- What was the most energizing part of your day?
- What did you think when your boss fell asleep in that meeting?
- How did you feel when the school reached out about the graduation party?
- What are you learning from the Lord in your quiet times?
Active listening may include:
- Eye contact and nodding
- Validating comments like “That sounds hilarious.” (if it does!)
- Follow-up questions like “What did you do next?”
Thoughtful responding may include:
- Thinking before answering the question
- Answering with a positive attitude, tone of voice, and body language
- Sharing beyond the surface level, to include your thoughts and feelings