blogpost titled 3 Keys To Being A Good Listener Even When You're Distracted - from the podcast Counseling Tips For Pastors And Ministry Leaders

3 Keys To Being A Good Listener (Even When You’re Distracted)

James 1:19 – Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Many of us think we are better listeners than we really are. 

But there is a reason the Bible tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). Listening is powerful and important. And the reality of human relationships is that being a GOOD listener does take some intentional effort.

It’s more than just hearing the words someone is saying. It’s more than just finishing a conversation. And if we are in ministry, trying to care for others and show them the love of Jesus, it is especially important that we truly are quick to listen… and that we listen well. 

So today, let’s take a look at the 3 keys to being a good listener. It’s not complicated, but it might take some effort and some practice. All for God’s glory!

READ NEXT: 3 KEYS TO GOOD INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

1 – Listen to and understand the WORDS they are saying

This sounds obvious. And on the surface level, it is. Hearing the words someone says is the most basic form of listening.

The problem is, people use the same words with different meaning to them.

This is more and more of a problem for Christians – including pastors, ministry leaders, and Bible-preaching churches! – in today’s culture. Common Christian words like love, tolerance, acceptance, justice, and forgiveness don’t always mean what the Bible says they mean.

So when you’re having a conversation with someone (and especially if you are having a disagreement or some conflict with someone) make sure to not only hear the words they say, but seek to understand what they mean when they use those words.

2 – Pay attention to the MEANING behind what they are saying

Typically, people talk about something because it is important to them. So if you want to be a good listener, you need to pay attention to more than just the words being said.

The more that you can understand the meaning behind what someone is saying, the better you’ll truly be hearing them. What values, beliefs, or emotions are behind the statements they are making? Why has this point of view or perspective become important to them?

This is one of the keys to being a good listener that simply won’t happen if you aren’t also being intentional to be “slow to speak.” If you’re focused on what you’re going to say next or where you want the conversation to go, it is unlikely that you are paying attention to the meaning for the other person.

To understand the meaning, it can be helpful to ask questions like:

  • When did this become so important to you?
  • Why do you think you’re so passionate about this?
  • Can you help me understand why this is so meaningful for you?

3 – RESPOND appropriately to what they are saying

This key to good listening starts during the conversation. A good listener will give nonverbal signals that show they are listening. This is an appropriate response, and encourages the conversation along. Appropriate nonverbal might include nodding, smiling, frowning, “mm-hmm” noises, or small statements like “And then what happened?”

But an appropriate response is also necessary as a conversation is wrapping us. Was an action step identified during the conversation? Do it! Take action. Did the person you were talking with seem upset, frustrated, or indicate that they were struggling in some way? An apology or follow-up might be necessary.

A very simple and impactful way to respond appropriately, and therefore demonstrate good listening skills, is to reach out to the person later. Send a text, make a call, or pat them on the shoulder at church. Offer to pray, ask how they are doing with the issue that was discussed, or just let them know that you’re following up after your conversation.

Next week, we will look at the other side of good listening – trying to make sure the other person feels heard and valued. Even if you are listening, they might not feel heard! Stay tuned for this upcoming post.

Struggling with communication?

If you are in South Carolina, reach out to us at The iHope Center if you would like some support with dealing with negative thought patterns. Our services are 50% below the local average cost of counseling and we do offer some virtual appointments if needed. Call (843) 702-0323 to get started.

ABOUT YOUR HOST 

This podcast is offered as a ministry from iHope Christian Care and Counseling, Inc. We are a nonprofit counseling center in the Pee Dee area of South Carolina. Our primary host is our Director: Jessica Hayes, LPC, LMFT, LPCS-C. You can learn more about The iHope Center at http://www.ihopeflorence.com.

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REFERRALS AND DONATIONS

Our counselors are licensed in the state of South Carolina. If you are local to our state, we hope you will consider The iHope Center as a referral source for professional counseling or life coaching. We offer a 10% discount on services to full-time pastors. Virtual services are available as well.

The iHope Center is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization, and we are registered in the state of South Carolina as a charitable organization. If you are local to our state, we welcome your donations and gifts to support our counseling ministry. Donations allow us to keep clients’ fees at 50% below the local average cost for services. 

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DISCLAIMER

This podcast, as well as other resources offered by The iHope Center, should be taken as informational and educational content only. Utilizing our resources does not create a professional relationship. This podcast is not therapy. Always use your own judgment in making decisions and in making recommendations for others. 

In the case of a medical or mental health emergency for yourself or someone else, please contact your local emergency department. In the USA, you can call “988” which is the three-digit, nationwide phone number to connect directly to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. 

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