One of the biggest problems in ministry leadership is burnout. The demands of ministry are high and the stress, emotions, and responsibilities weigh on us.
And one of the best things that can help prevent burnout and keep you passionate about the ministry work you are doing is setting boundaries.
We all need healthy boundaries! Jesus had them, and we need them.
Below are some practical tips in how to think about boundaries in your life, family, and ministry work. Next week, we’ll dive deeper into how to live out these boundaries… but you can’t live them out if you aren’t even clear about what they are.
Why do boundaries matter?
Boundaries have a big impact on our mental health, spiritual life, and our everyday relationships.
They impact what we think about, prioritize, engage in, focus on, and ultimately, what we do with the time and energy that the Lord gives us.
If we look to Scripture, we see Jesus setting boundaries. He left the crowds, and even his disciples, to go off on his own and pray. He said no to people. He told truth, even when it was hard, because He knew his ultimate mission and set boundaries around how that impacted his ministry.
Physical boundaries
In a church and ministry context, one of the first areas of “boundaries” that we need to think about are our PHYSICAL boundaries.
We all know a story of a godly ministry that was brought crashing down by an inappropriate physical relationship – or, let’s be honest, even just the hint of it.
Physical boundaries matter. This means that, as a pastor or other type of Christian leader, you need to think ahead of time about things like:
- How will you interact with people in your church/ministry who are of the opposite sex?
- What conversations are off-limits with people who are married? With teens and children? With people you’ve just met?
- What church or organizational policies need to be in place around physical boundaries? Who is alone together? When? Where? How? What is expected and normalized in your church?
If you wait until you’re in an awkward situation with someone, it will not make it easy to have healthy physical boundaries and it will not show care for that person.
Consider these “what if” situations (that actually happen all the time in Christian ministry!)
- If someone reaches for a hug and you’re uncomfortable but have no clear boundaries around this… what will you do?
- What if you’re offering a pastoral counseling conversation with someone of the opposite sex and when they follow you into your office, they shut the door – even though you have a general policy that you never close the door when you’re alone with someone of the opposite sex? What would you do?
- Do you give out your cell number to people in your church? What if you start getting calls or texts from a teen (a minor) who is frustrated with their parents? Is that boundary different if it’s a girl or boy? If it’s 10pm or 10am?
Think about such scenarios, and have a plan. Don’t be taken by surprise when physical boundary struggles pop up.
Time boundaries
Another really common pastoral issue is setting healthy boundaries with our TIME.
After all, if you’re saying “yes” to wonderful and godly opportunities… by default, you are saying “no” to other things that might come along.
There are three things to consider and be intentional about when it comes to setting healthy boundaries with your time, schedule, and energy.
- Ministry work can easily take up 24 hours of your day, 7 days a week. When will you engage with your family? How will you care for your body with sleep and exercise? What time and energy will you set aside for the Lord?
- Every volunteer committee and opportunity wants the pastor or leader’s involvement. But you cannot be involved in everything, leading everything, or responsible for every success in your ministry. It is unrealistic… but others will not set those boundaries for you.
- God could call many people to lead your church, nonprofit, or ministry. You are the only one who can be the husband/wife in your home. You are the only dad/mom that your children have. How are you balancing the responsibilities and priorities that God has given you?
Make sure that your ministry work is not overshadowing your family relationships and responsibilities, your personal relationship with the Lord, or taking care of your own physical and mental health.
Emotional Boundaries
This is an area that most people don’t think about… but it is so important!
Emotional boundaries refers to the limits that you set in place around who and what gets to influence you. This will include things like:
- Social media – How often are you on social media? Who do you follow? How are they influencing your thought life, expectations, and emotions?
- News – Where do you get your news? How often do you check it? How is it impacting your emotional health?
- Music, podcasts, books – What authors or speakers do you allow to influence your thinking, theology, or perspectives?
- Friends – How deep are your friendships? How similar are your worldviews?
As Romans 12:2 tells us, we will all be influenced and transformed by something. Is it by God’s Word or by the world around us? Culture is loud and also sneaky.
Be intentional about the media you consume and the people you spend time with, because they are influencing you. We want to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, filled with God’s Word and his wisdom.
What next?
After you’ve thought intentionally about your boundaries – physical, time, and emotional – it’s not a guarantee that you’ll follow through! Stay tuned for our next episode for tips on actually implementing and holding to your boundaries.
Until then, spend time in prayer and consideration to clarify what boundaries will be most helpful in your own life.
Struggling with boundaries?
If you are in South Carolina, reach out to us at The iHope Center if you would like some support with boundaries or burnout. Our services are 50% below the local average cost of counseling and we do offer some virtual appointments if needed. Call (843) 702-0323 to get started.
ABOUT YOUR HOST
This podcast is offered as a ministry from iHope Christian Care and Counseling, Inc. We are a nonprofit counseling center in the Pee Dee area of South Carolina. Our primary host is our Director: Jessica Hayes, LPC, LMFT, LPCS-Candidate. You can learn more about The iHope Center at http://www.ihopeflorence.com.
We hope you will subscribe to our channel and share about the podcast with the other pastors and leaders in your life. There is a video, audio, and blog version of this podcast:
- LISTEN on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or any common podcast app
- WATCH on the iHope YouTube channel
- READ on the iHope blog
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REFERRALS AND DONATIONS
Our counselors are licensed in the state of South Carolina. If you are local to our state, we hope you will consider The iHope Center as a referral source for professional counseling or life coaching. We offer a 10% discount on services to full-time pastors. Virtual services are available as well.
The iHope Center is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization, and we are registered in the state of South Carolina as a charitable organization. If you are local to our state, we welcome your donations and gifts to support our counseling ministry. Donations allow us to keep clients’ fees at 50% below the local average cost for services.
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DISCLAIMER
This podcast, as well as other resources offered by The iHope Center, should be taken as informational and educational content only. Utilizing our resources does not create a professional relationship. This podcast is not therapy. Always use your own judgment in making decisions and in making recommendations for others.
In the case of a medical or mental health emergency for yourself or someone else, please contact your local emergency department. In the USA, you can call “988” which is the three-digit, nationwide phone number to connect directly to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
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